shiny white teeth, hollowed out youth

words by chloe hofrichter

★

it is in our nature to suck the marrow out of life;
we savour moments of nonconformity
relish it like we are still small children
and freedom is the red frog we’ve been rolling around in our mouth instead of swallowing

we are just savouring the sweetness
before we are forced into desk jobs and mortgages and children and bills
all comfortably moneyed in our shiny white houses and shiny white teeth

we feel that we are wasting our youth
cooped up in classrooms with broken fans and broken teachers
spitting broken words
raise your hand to speak
draft due this Friday
grades you get now will impact you for the rest of your life

we figure we are missing out on all the fun life has to give
reading books and watching movies about parties and casual sex
yet when these things do come our way
we feel empty
hollowed out
like a Jacko lanterns with no candle burning inside
just dark

we lay on a foreign bed, drunk and disorientated
trying to quiet the little voice in our chests calling out for the autonomy that we lost
somewhere between a cigarette and a bottle of passion pop
when these things do come our way
they bring with them a string of consequences
trailing behind them like breadcrumbs
and we find ourselves consuming as much alcohol as our body can hold
just so we can pretend we are having fun more convincingly

we live to rebel but are so afraid of being caught
so afraid to lose the opportunity to acquire the future we hate the idea of

we crave extraordinary, a life making art and drinking French wine
yet we settle for average and convince ourselves it’s all we deserve

i’m good, but not the best
i could never make it anyway
it’s too big of a risk

second preferences become our only option
the idea of paving the way for ourselves without structure or guidance
more frightening than the idea of doing something we hate

my best friend turns to me and says
i will be working every day for the rest of my life

the fear in her eyes turns her irises from blue to grey

and I feel the same.